StoryListening: a Doula’s Role in Reducing Grief-Related Loneliness

I was honored to be asked to co-author this article on a “Protocol for a Scalable StoryListening Intervention for Grief-Related Loneliness During COVID-19,” and I’m overjoyed to see it published in the August 2023 issue of Palliative Medicine Reports. As one of four StoryListening Doula Interventionists conducting these sessions for Dr. Bob Gramling’s Vermont Conversation Lab, I had the privilege of listening to story upon story of grief and isolation during the height of the COVID-19 epidemic. It was a moving experience to support both under-supported clinicians who shared their stories of hardship and loss, and also family members who lost dear loved ones. Moreover, it was inspiring to contribute to a growing pool of data that shows just how effective doula support can be in reducing grief-related loneliness. An excerpt from the article:

Doulas provide nonmedical emotional support to those facing times of intensity, such as birth, death, and grief. Doulas cultivate a nonanxious presence, validate through attentive listening, hold trust in the inherent wisdom and strength of others, adopt a stance of engaged neutrality and acceptance, allow and welcome silence, respect perspectives and beliefs, and normalize experiences by acknowledging universal suffering as well as commonalities in loss.

A StoryListening doula (SLD) focuses specifically on inviting and listening to experiences of the bereaved, as perceived and narrated by each storyteller. SLDs are nondirective and let the participant guide the depth and direction of each session. SLDs respect grief as a natural, ongoing process that is unique to each person for each loss. Doulas do not advise, proselytize, or provide medical advice or explanations, psychotherapy (longitudinal support or directional guidance in the forms of cognitive restructuring, reframing, or reconceptualizing), solutions, arguments, agreements, or false reassurances.

Unlike narrative psychotherapy or critical incident debrief, SLDs do not direct the conversation or assist the storyteller with analysis and reconciliation of the traumatic loss or event or their experiences of it. No future coping strategies are prescribed, nor are reactions or feelings classified based on traditional psychological models. The intervention provides a container for candid reflection as directed and managed by the storyteller themselves, with acknowledgment, recognition, and careful prompting, if appropriate, from the SLD.*

Listening to clients tell their stories is one of the joys of what can be a pretty heavy job. Clients share stories with an end-of-life doula for many reasons. Sometimes a story is shared in the spirit of unburdening, so that a particularly tough or traumatic memory will no longer be carried alone. Other times I’ll offer to record or take notes on a particular story so that it can be passed along to loved ones and to later generations as part of a legacy project. Whether I’m asked to keep a story secret or to share it with friends and family, my role is to offer a steady, supportive presence, while never pressuring a client to share more than feels right. When a storyteller shares their story in their own words and at their own pace, a silent storylistener holds space for the storyteller to follow the story’s twists and turns wherever they may lead. This can allow for a client to discover what’s truly important to them at a given point in their end-of-life journey. It can be a deeply moving experience to witness a client stumble upon a new kernel of meaning in their life in this way. I’ll always be grateful that I had this amazing opportunity to sharpen the skills I draw on so frequently in my private doula practice.

As lead author Francesca Lynn Arnoldy points out: this is a big day for doulas!

*Arnoldy FL, Garrido M, Wong A, Pratt S, Braddish T, Brown G, Reblin M, Rizzo D, Gramling R (2023) Protocol for a scalable StoryListening intervention for grief-related loneliness during COVID-19, Palliative Medicine Reports 4:1, 208–213, DOI: 10.1089/pmr.2023.0009.