A Heart That Works
I just finished reading A Heart That Works, the new book from comedian, actor, and writer Rob Delaney. I first became acquainted with Delaney a decade ago on Twitter, which I used at the time to follow quirky little-known comedians, on the one hand, and popular uprisings in Egypt and Wisconsin, on the other. Delaney achieved fame through his sitcom “Catastrophe” in 2015.
Delaney, his wife, and their two older boys are Americans living in England, and they’d been living there for months before Henry was born. A Heart That Works tells the story of their youngest son, Henry, who was diagnosed with brain cancer as he approached his first birthday, and who would spend the next (and last) 14 months of his life in the hospital — or rather, because they were in England, I should probably say “in hospital.”
It’s a devastating story, the kind that hurts to read. It’s the stuff of worst nightmares. It’s angry and profane. It’s astoundingly beautiful. And it’s filled with humor and hilarity.
It’s a must-read for anyone who finds themselves in a position of supporting someone whose child has a life-limiting illness. It’s a must-read for those of us who embrace humor in tough situations, including at the end of life.
Humor is such an important tool for learning to live with grief. As a doula, it’s important to be prepared to receive it when it is offered. We can greet such gallows humor with grace, smile, and laughter. It’s also wise to follow the griever’s lead. They won’t, of course, always be in the mood for a joke.
Humor can be used as a diversion in an attempt to briefly cushion the pain. But it can also be used to express joy. As you’ll learn reading Delaney’s book if you haven’t learned it already, we don’t stop sharing joy with a loved one just because one of us is on the way out.
But Delaney also uses humor to express the absolute (his words) fucked up absurdity of it all. How could this possibly happen? What kind of universe thinks this is possibly okay? How could such a beautiful boy be lost so early and out-of-line with the natural order of things?
Delaney had spent years diving into such absurdity in his one-line tweets. In some ways, there was no one more qualified to write such a book. And as Delaney would say, it fucking sucks that he had to write it.
If this book is too much for you, or if it turns out you disagree with my review, that’s okay, too. It’s still worth buying, because all proceeds from the book go to support children’s hospices. You can also listen to the book here, free until 10 January, 2023.
